Hey Yall. So I am having a really dark day today. One of those days where it is raining and my heart hurts. The kind of day where nothing makes sense and I struggle to care anymore. In counseling, I’m supposed to come up with things that I am good at in my life. All I can think of is this giant list of things I’ve failed at, moments I have missed, and tears I have cried. Somehow, I think if I turn that in the assignment has been failed. It is hard to think “positively” when you hate that word and all that is associated with it. Happy people make me want to drink until I do not know what universe I am in. I fucking hate people that have their life, their perfect grass, and their families together. Their phones ring with people at the other end that want to talk to them. People that care and are full of love. Why can’t I call heaven? I’m thinking of buying a fake phone and just pretend to call people. I’m so lonely in this world full of insignificant people. People that walk through you, laugh at you, use you, and ultimately leave you. I don’t just despise where I live, I despise life. Is it depression or reality talking? Not long ago, there was ANOTHER shooting at a church in Texas. There is no where safe to go to find peace anymore. No one trusts the person behind them to catch them if the fall. Whatever it is, this life breaks my heart.
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